Monday, May 7, 2012

Date Like A MAN...I Mean...WOMAN

After a conversation with one of my home girls I realized that some woman may find it difficult to date. The reality is that we tend to not be able to separate our feelings from our actions. I do say WE because I have definitely been weak to my feelings one or two three four five times, but whose counting.

Women tend to translate the gentlemen like actions of men into some type of emotion, that's a mistake.

I have some general rules to dating multiple men while keeping your sanity, single status, and vagina tight.

(In no particular order)
  1. Looks Aren't Everything: This is just a date, say YES. Its not a trip down the isle, a family photo, or a pregnancy pact who cares what he looks like. With all the rejection a man can suffer in one day, not to mention your ass looking all evil, bitter, and unhappy he deserves some points for being brave enough to ask.
  2. Keep It Mobile: This guy is not about to be your man or your gardener, why does he need to know where you lay your head. Lets just be real we've all ran into the crazy that drives down your street acting like hes just in the neighborhood, you live in a culdesac where the hell was he going. Also, there is always that OOOONE date where you need to pull out -like a man that realizes she doesn't look like she did in the club- fast, so PLEASE drive. It is not the 60's he does not need to meet the parents on the porch. 
  3. 3 to 1: Now the words Hoe, Whore, Slut, Bop (just told my age) are relative. 10-100-1,000-10,000 I'm not one to count 0's, I like to call it sexually liberated. In an effort to keep your numbers down annually you should wait 3 months to have sex (I know it sounds cliche) with 1 month between every potential sexual partner (even if you only had sex one time and realized Mr. Incredible is a self given alias). Here's the break down for my air heads, it is only possible to have a new sex partner -in a minute man situation- in April, August, and September of the first year of your new dating life.BRING YOUR OWN CONDOMS TO THE PARTY and treat them like your drink you never leave unattended.
  4. Hours of operation are 12pm-10pm: Pillow talk is for your potential man not your freaks. The only exception to the no calls after 10pm rule is your sex partner, and the only reason to call him is to set up the meeting place -no need to waste daytime minutes on him unless you like sex for lunch. Us women tend to think a guy really likes us cause he sits on the phone all night -you hang up, no you hang up, *snoring* hello?! were you sleep, no, you? *heavy breathing*
  5. FHF: If its not going to work, if he's lame, don't like his mentality, poor conversation, too broke for you/lacks a job, U.G.L.Y you ain't got no alibi, then FUCK HIS FEELINGS. Don't tip toe around ending the communication, be up front-firm-direct. When we do stupid things like not answer the phone, you create an arbitrary gap of hope where there should be none. Rip it off like a band-aid.
So this is like the rough basics in my opinion. I dated for close to 3years and could share some first date horror stories, maybe that will be my next post. It is a really simple idea if you think about the big picture.

He's not permanent nor do I want him to be, this is My life, I want to have safe fun memories, and it's up to Me to live.

Thanks Bunches, 

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